


FAN

by Riddance



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M, Soulfighters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:34:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26503735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riddance/pseuds/Riddance
Summary: Changmin's quest for a dream.
Relationships: Kim Jaejoong/Shim Changmin
Kudos: 10





	FAN

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired from FAN by Girls' Generation

It's no secret that Choikang Changmin is a dreamless boy. Having stumbled into a fate of fame despite all his awkwardness. It's destiny, right? For someone like him to end up on stage? It had to have been aligned by God. Top priority. 

Maybe he'll see how perfect his life turned out, regardless, in 60 years when he's bed ridden with aching joints. For now, he'll have to trust he was picked on purpose for this journey, as mismatched as it seems, otherwise he wouldn't be able to get through the days that were already so hard to get through with his doubts.

The other members weren’t as confused. They knew what they were doing in ways that seemed as natural as breathing. Their only clumsiness came from the fact that this was their first time living at all. That no one knows quite what they’re in for when they’re born. But beyond that, thinking of their career, the motivation that kept them in the practice rooms? Their goals were clear. The rewards of personal fulfillment, popularity, money, girls, sometimes boys.

And the fans. The fans were clear about their dreams. They wanted to follow the group till death and then get buried in the same caskets. They wanted their names and faces to be unforgettable, albums and posters signed, seats purchased, barricades stood at. The boys’ apartments shown, clothes torn off, skin tasted, garbage taken, and partners slapped. They wanted to breathe DBSK in until there was no room for themselves. They wanted love. Their dream was the members.

Changmin thinks on this, casually, while watching Jaejoong take off his shirt, lounging on the couch on a Saturday afternoon. He fondles his cell phone charms while sending a text, probably to some Suju member.

Jaejoong is the ultimate dream in the group. The beautiful center visual with a voice too good, for no reason. There's no need to sound that good with a face like that. God must’ve had him on their top priority list too.

“You hungry?” Jaejoong’s eyes flicker over to Changmin, sitting at the opposite end of the couch, still in last night's pajamas.

“Hm?” Changmin’s body stutters, bringing him out of his daze.

“I can cook something, if you’re hungry,” Jae offers, snapping his phone shut and already heading towards the kitchen. Ready to shake off his boredom.

Changmin watches the way his back muscles tense and relax in the movement, the side effect of today’s practice. There are even bruises on Jaejoong’s hips, blooming yellow spots like dandelion prints. 

Any fan would be envious of Changmin, in this moment, watching a shirtless Jaejoong go cook for him. He couldn’t make a better boyfriend ideal. No wonder they went crazy with their imagination. In this world where living and dreams were two lovers that rarely seemed to meet, somehow Jaejoong was evidence that it was possible. Sometimes a dream didn’t have to be a wishful thought to live in your heart forever, sitting in humans with no power to shape the universes’ consciousness like clay into what they wanted. Sometimes a dream could live on earth with you, an angel could live on earth, a miracle.

\---

Changmin tries to sleep that night, but these stupid thoughts keep him up. Jaejoong setting the table and calling him to sit down. The smile he showed as Min ate every bite until he was full and only stopped because there was nothing left. If Jae had cooked a buffet, he would probably still be at the table, aching but incapable of leaving. Not just because of the food, but the look given to him. So caring, saying without words _‘Eat. Grow. Be healthy. We have so much time together. My friend for life.’_

Did Changmin have to have a dream? Wasn’t it enough to be loved like that by someone like _that?_ This was the fans’ dream so he did have a dream, technically. Albeit, someone else’s.

_‘But the people that want what I have would be even happier if Jaejoong held their hand or took them out or… kissed them or…’_ the thoughts entrap him, annoying and uncomfortable before he drifts off to sleep.

The next day, unfortunately, those thoughts are remembered. Though he read once that most of what people think fifteen minutes before they fall asleep is forgotten. He didn’t forget. He's even suspicious he somehow thought about it more as he slept and seeing Jaejoong, once again, shirtless in the living room isn’t helping.

_‘If I was a fan… If I was a fan alone with a half-naked Jaejoong… my dream would be…’_

“Do we have any liquor?” It’s out his mouth quick, blunt, and odd.

Jae’s eyebrows raise.

“What’s the occasion?”

“None. Just… wondering,” Changmin awkwardly shrugs, picking at his finger nails.

Jaejoong smirks, golden hair shifting with a head tilt.

“If you just want to drink, we can make that the occasion. There’s beer and soju in the cabinet next to the sink. But let me order some chicken or pizza, at least.”

Changmin nods, leaving the room to go to the bathroom.

Looking at the mirror with his back against the door, staring at his reflection with a sigh.

_‘You’re never going to know, if you don’t at least try… You’re 20, for fuck's sake. Everyone else knows what they’re doing. This has been your closest answer yet…’_

And it’s settled.

\---

He doesn’t know how many bottles he’s drank only that they’re blurring and doubling, clustered together on the coffee table, so it’s probably somewhere between 5 and 10. He’s at least still sitting up, even though his head is hanging low. Just to rest, for a moment. A little rest before the activity that’s sure to come. 

Jaejoong laughs at his drunkenness.

“Changminnie~,” he pinches a cheek and pulls teasingly. “Aigoo… Did you drink so much just so you don’t have to clean up the mess?”

He turns to discard the delivery boxes and glass bottles, their clinks causing Changmin to focus again. Looking up just in time to watch Jae hover so close to his face, he kicks the table.

“Hey! Be careful,” Jae scolds, grabbing Changmin’s waist and helping him stand. “Let’s get you to bed before your ass falls asleep on the floor. Remember last time that happened? You bitched about how sore you were for the next two days.”

Changmin complies, quietly, his heartbeat quickening and the sudden adrenaline- the reality of his plan waking up him so by the time they make it to the bedroom doors, he no longer needs support walking. 

He watches Jae shrug his hoodie off and sit on the edge of his bed. Grabbing his phone to check if any new texts had come, before getting ready to sleep

This is it. Changmin’s opportunity to feel… something? To know something? To be normal? To understand what the point of it all was. Why he’d been born, why he’d auditioned, why staying alive was important.

He sits down next to Jaejoong, facing the wall as he takes the phone out of the older member’s hands and puts it on the cluttered bedside table. 

“What?” Jae looks over, but the stare he sees coming from Changmin is so uncharacteristic of him, he can't find the words to say anything else. He just feels himself moving backwards, cornered into pillows, hypnotized. "What are you doing?"

Changmin licks his lips, willing the alcohol in his stomach to be stronger, give him just a little more courage. He’s _so_ close. He’s almost there.

“Think of it as research,” he offers, sliding a hand around Jaejoong’s neck, feeling goosebumps from the surprise.

He lets a pause sit between them, giving Jaejoong time to answer the question that is this implication. Bold enough to be curious, but not to take without permission.

There’s an interesting glint in Jaejoong’s eyes, as they sit in a way he’s never imagined. With this precious cub in front of him, ready to be explored and it’s been so long since he’s property indulged in lust... His insides relaxed from the drinking, his head light from _two whole days_ off in a row, and the other members having left to visit their families. It'd been a rare 48 hours of peace and the afternoon had been comfortably spent playing video games with Changmin and the night had been comfortably spent with good food and drinks... It'd been perfect, a little more fun couldn't hurt.

So he finds himself pushing forward, brushing his moist lips against Changmin’s as the hold on his neck loosens. Yeah, it’s been so long, even this motion already has him sighing.

Jaejoong shakes his head and whispers “ _tighter._ ”

It’s an order Changmin follows not just because of his age, but because of his uncertainty, knowing he’s not as expert in the intimacy of sharing flesh. (He'd only been with a girl and two guys previously.) This is the moment he’s been waiting for, to collapse inside a dream. Finally. As Jaejoong’s fingers dig into his hips, pulling him close. Changmin’s whole body falls over, embarrassingly easily, tugged by the older member’s mouth. 

It’s hard to concentrate on their tongues, on the sucking and sipping and sharing the taste of soju and chicken grease when the sparks under his skin bubble up, like every cell is breaking into its own firework. His hands shake when he pushes away, just to make sure his body’s still there. That he hasn’t disintegrated into some kind of dust, sitting on Jaejoong’s chest. 

_‘Even though we've barely fucking started,’_ Changmin thinks, irritated by his own innocence. 

So this is what a dream feels like? A taste is enough to go insane.

Jaejoong breathes heavily, sounding just as affected, but Changmin doesn’t believe he is. No, Jaejoong is probably just caught in the hormones of it all. Ordinary horniness, while Changmin flails in wonderment with the sudden epiphany-

“Singing makes you feel like this.”

He doesn’t ask as a question, though confirmation would be nice, he just knows. This must be how it feels, what makes the hours of blood, tears, and sweat worth it. He gets it for once.

Jaejoong blinks, confused, trying to think in the haze of brain chemicals telling him how good he feels, but before he can say anything, Changmin is sitting up to straddle him and there are shy hands slipping under his graphic t-shirt. Tentatively caressing the hidden skin, rubbing against his light abs like reading braille and rising until fingertips brush his hardened nipples.

He can’t help but groan at just the imagination of what’s to come in the next five minutes, ten minutes, _hell_ hour? However long this unexpected event will last. The faint light from a single lamp behind Changmin’s head making him glow. Those doe eyes impossibly even larger and deeper, swirling need pouring out from his face. An open book Jae wants to tear every page out of.

Jaejoong grabs the edge of his shirt and lifts it off roughly, instantly bringing Changmin down to press against his naked torso and shoving his tongue back down his throat, seemingly arguing with the moans that attempt to break out. Moans versus tongues, as Changmin instinctually rubs his groin like an animal against whatever’s beneath him, which just happens to be Jaejoong’s awakening bulge.

Tight and eager to be released from his denim jeans as both boys pull away to unzip themselves.

_Too many fucking clothes._ Changmin should’ve known better. He knew this is what he wanted to do so why did he wear jeans today? _Idiot._

Much too impatient for staying apart, they opt for frustratingly shaking ankles to kick the jeans all the way down, going back to kissing like any second their mouths will be taken away, no longer allowed to exist and they’ll never get to kiss anyone again.

Changmin moves across Jaejoong’s cheeks, dragging spit all the way to Jae’s neck before latching like a leech. Wanting to suck all the taste out of him, greedily leave him for dry, to be found by the other members in the morning spent and eaten alive.

“ _Fuuuuck_ ,” Jaejoong moans, eyes rolling and hands squeezing Changmin’s ass through boxers that should definitely not still be on. He turns his head further to the left when he feels teeth sink in, Changmin on the verge of feeling so good, he can’t stand it. The violence that comes from insatiable pleasure, how confusing it is to be stuck in flesh while under his skin- his whole body is flying away, bursting when Jaejoong tugs his boxers down and wastes no time stroking his hardness.

And just like that, all his power falls away.

It’s mortifying. The breathy whimpers he can’t hold in, the way his body caves until Jaejoong understands, gently pushing Changmin to the side so he’s on top.

Changmin’s eyes squeeze shut, facing the pillow and biting down on his tingling bottom lip.

Jae sits up straight, hand wrapped on the base of Changmin’s cock before slowly dragging it up, holding tighter with every inch upwards until circling the leaking head with his thumb pad. Watching Changmin twitch underneath him in different directions like a game with Jaejoong at the controller. Like the games they'd played hours ago.

Jae smirks, now in the familiar role of predator, tugging the length and crawling backwards to be at just the right position to-

“Ugh, ah fuck, oh my god,” Changmin’s eyes snap open, when he feels himself completely swallowed in the warmest cave of smooth cheeks and saliva, an eager tongue and rows of teeth gingerly grazing him. He can’t help but grab a fistful of hair to hold on, to not feel like the bed might just devour him and spit out bones. Half scared that maybe some things can feel too good, he might drown tonight and then all this will have been for nothing. He’ll be dead with no need for a dream.

“Jae, it’s so… you’re so good,” Changmin praises, panting and massaging the golden head against his hips. “Fuck, I…”

_God, was it the alcohol? Did he have too much?_

Feeling the tears well up in his eyes as his stomach slowly tightens, his insides forming into a hurricane ready to destroy anything in its way.

‘ _Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful_ ,' is all he can think, a pulsating chant from his head to his toes, a siren within his body. The feeling in him and the man on him.

He's so overwhelmingly lost, he doesn't notice Jae pull away. Concerned by his own effect, having heard a sob come from above him.

An arm lies over Changmin’s head, hiding his eyes and the tears messily falling with no way to drop from the position. They slide down the sides, absorbed in the sheets.

“Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong whispers, moving to the side to kneel closer to the younger member, holding his hand and tenderly pulling to raise Changmin’s arm.

But he's pushed away before Min’s face can show.

“Changmin-ah~,” Jaejoong whines, hurt, rubbing his arm. “What’s wrong?”

No answer comes. They sit in silence until the breathy crying becomes sniffles and Changmin’s tan cheeks turn pink from humiliation. But since he can’t hide forever and his dick is _still_ out so it feels stupid to be shy, he moves his arm, showing puffy eyes and familiar down turned lips.

Jae immediately cradles his face, wiping the dampness with his fingers and brushing his hair back from his forehead.

“What happened?”

He speaks so softly, as if Changmin has just gotten home from a bad day, like a kid stressed from school. Not as if the taste of precum is in his mouth and his crotch is faintly throbbing a foot away.

Changmin watches, with sore eyes, the silver cross necklace on Jae’s sweaty chest rise and fall in shallow waves. Slowly gaining courage to meet his eyes.

“I just… understand now.”

Responding to Jaejoong’s puzzled expression, Changmin takes his hands and pulls him downwards. He wraps his arms around Jae in a firm but light hug.

“What it’s like to have a dream…” the words come out as loud as a breeze.

He presses his lips against the older member's once more, sweet and thankful. 

Jae smiles, pinching Min's nose in adoration, somehow understanding without deep explanation.

"And you haven't even came yet."

Changmin laughs, blocking his face with his hands, ears hot and red.

_God._


End file.
